The Many Moments of a Prime and a Hatchet
by Autobunny
Summary: 2007 universe. A bunch of one-shots involving Optimus, Ratchet, their relationship, and the usually not-so-hard hardships that they go through. Updated Tuesdays.
1. Rain

So, thanks to the only person that decided to answer my poll, I am going to begin my Prime/Ratchet fics. This will soon be followed by Megafragger...I mean Megatron/Bumblebee fics, so bes sure to look for them! Anyhoo, here's the first chapter, so...enjoy!!

Oh, before I forget: all of these fics will take place in the 2007 universe. This pairing would just seem odd if it was in th 1980's universe.

Disclaimer: I'm only saying this once, I don't own them. Now I'm not going to say it again.  
Pairing(s): Optimus/Ratchet  
Prompt: Rain

* * *

"If there's one thing I hate about this organic planet, it's the rain." griped Ratchet as he fixed his medbay up. Ratchet had every reason to hate the organic weather, too. It screwed up his brakes when he went out, it made maneuvering that much more difficult, and it always seemed to stay in the worst possible spot in hi s bipedal mode and annoy him for the rest of the day. Yes, Ratchet had a good reason or two to hate the rain. But there was one more reason to hate the rain.

BOOMCRASH!! "GAH!!" Rain would sometimes bring storms, which brought thunder, which reminded him of bombs going off and killing friends and family. "Damn this infernal weather to the Pit," he cursed, picking up some tools that he had dropped when the thunder crashed. "I don't know how humans can stand it or why they like to look at it, when they should know that it can--" CRASHBOOOOMCRAAAACK!! "GYAAGH!!" The tools were dropped again as Ratchet jumped up, looking wildly around him as though searching for Decepticons. His intakes were working hard as he tried to calm himself down. "I n-n-need to calm down...don't want to turn in to Red Alert, do I?" Shaking his head, Ratchet picked up the tools and put them back in their proper place, doing it one at a time. Didn't want to keep dropping them, did he?

**_hatchethatchetPRIMEPRIMEhatchethatchetPRIMEPRIME_**

This jumping-thanks-to-the-thunder happened for the rest of the time that he was awake, and he was glad when he was done cleaning up and able to go to his quarters to try and get some sleep. As he climbed into the berth, his systems beginning to shut down, he felt strong arms wrap around him, making him feel safe, secure. "Hard night?" a deep voice rumbled, sending shivers down his spinal column.

"Not anymore," he replied, snuggling close to the warm body in front of him. "Now that I'm here, it's gotten better." He smiled as the voice rumbled with laughter, the arms squeezing him a bit.

"And this has nothing to do with the storm, does it?"

"Well, maybe..." Thunder cracked again, making Ratchet flinch and cling to his berth-mate. At one, fingers were stroking his back and head comfortingly, while soothing words were whispered in his auditory components, instantly calming him down.

For the rest of the night, until they both fell asleep, Optimus soothed Ratchet's fears, making sure he didn't flip out. Ratchet was grateful he had Optimus--after all, even a healer needed somebody to heal them, right?

_**EndeNDEndeNDEndeNDEndeNDEndeNDEndeNDEndeND**_

Cheesy...crappy ending...and yet somehow I love it. Thanks for reading the first of (hopefully) many Prime/Ratchet fics.

Review, please and thanks you! #bows#


	2. Ribbon

Hey, look, it's chapter 2!! And there's only two reviews and one hundred and eighty hits...#cries# Oh well. It could be worse, right? Anyhoo, this fic will update on Tuesdays, except it's not updating this Tuseday, since this was the chapter that was supposed to come out that day, so this'll update on...June 3rd.

So, this story was about ten pages long in my notebook, and it took me a little over two days to write it. Hopefully people will like this one, even though it's kind of long.

As always, it's the 2007 universe.

Pairing: Prime/Ratchet, with mentions of Prowl/Jazz and Bluestreak/Bumblebee, plus pervert!Megatron  
Prompt: Ribbon

Note: They're human!Formers, so just...imagine them as you want. Except Ratchet has mid-back length blond hair. 'Cause I said so. And it's hot that way.

* * *

Optimus wasn't one to really celebrate his birthday. Sure, he'd have a cake, maybe some streamers, but that was about it. Everybody at the base knew this; that was probably why there was something going on at the base that Optimus wasn't included in, and neither, it seemed, was Ratchet. In fact, the planning seemed to be about them.

And that was something that worried Optimus

**_PrimePrimePrimePrimePrimePrimePrimePrimeNumber_**

"Have you noticed the way the rest of the base has been acting, Ratchet?"

"Have I noticed?" Ratchet snorted, cleaning off some of the tools he had been using earlier. "It's practically thrown in my face anytime that somebody's been in here for the past few weeks. The Twins have practically been dying of laughter anytime they've come in here. It's almost made me cut their muscles, thanks to the shaking their laughter causes."

Optimus laughed. "I wouldn't have been surprised if you had."

"Yes, well..." Sighing, Ratchet finished cleaning his tools and walked over to Optimus, resting his forehead on the younger man's shoulder, rubbing it against the comfy material of the shirt a few times. Optimus smiled, and brought his arms around the elder, nuzzling the blond mop. "At least you're sane amongst this group, Optimus. I don't know where I'd be without you in this insane asylum..."

The bluenette chuckled, squeezing the CMO as he kissed his head. "You'd probably have the entire base ready to run off screaming for their lives, thanks to your temper and uncanny aim." Ratchet "hmmm"ed in agreement, bringing his arms around Optimus' waist as he snuggled closer. "You know, you've been very tense lately," the blunette said, snaking his hands down the CMO's form, gently squeezing the globes of Ratchet's ass. "I think you need to calm down, Ratch..."

The shorter man looked up, smirking coyly at Optimus. "And I'm guessing you know exactly how to calm me down, Optimus?"

Optimus smirked, pushing Ratchet against one of the tables. "Indeed. It involves you naked and bent over this table here."

"Mmmmm, I think I like your idea of relaxing, Optimus..."

**_LINEbreakLINEbreakLINEbreakLINEbreakLINEbreak_**

"Okay, does everybody know the plan?" Jazz looked at the group he had gathered together, consisting of Wheeljack, Ironhide, Sunstreaker, Sideswipe, Bumblebee, Prowl (well, he came because Jazz threatened him with no sex if he told Optimus or Ratchet about the plan), and Bluestreak. The group nodded, and Ironhide spoke first.

"Right, me an' Wheeljack--"

"Wheeljack and I, Ironhide."

"--whatever, Prowl--drive up to Ratchet's apartment and pick him up early."

"Then we bring him over to the medbay," finished Wheeljack.

"Good, good." Jazz turned to the Twins. "Then, what do you two do?"

The Twins smirked evilly, speaking in unison (which, when they were in the right moment, really creeped people out). "Then we jump Ratchet, take off his clothes, and 'wrap him up'."

"Good, good." Turning to Bumblebee and Bluestreak, Jazz winked. "And you two?"

"Bluestreak gets into Optimus office before Optimus himself does--"

"--and Bumblebee helps me to keep him there while Sunstreaker and Sideswipe finish up."

"Good. Then I'll come get you two when they're done, saying that I need you two for something, then casually tell Optimus that Ratchet needs to see him in the medbay." Then, turning to Prowl, he grinned widely at him; Prowl sighed and face-palmed. "And what're you gonna do, Prowlie?"

"...I'm not going to say a single thing, lest I want to forgo hot, kinky sex for a while, withering away because I can't feel your soft sking against mine."

"So, ya did memorize the card!" Gigglin, Jazz kissed his boyfriend's cheek. "I knew ya loved me," he sad smugly before looking back at everyone else. "Alright people, get some sleep! We got work to do tomorrow!"

_**LINEbreakLINEbreakLINEbreakLINEbreakLINEbreak**_

Optimus had never before had to fear going in to work, even on his birthday, and this birthday was no different. He had driven to work, expecting to be told "Happy Birthday!" from quite a number of people, maybe receive some cards, and finishing it off with his usual "Birthday Glomp" from Bumblebee. Today, however, would prove to be different. There were wishes of "Happy Birthday!", but anybody who said those words said them with a wide grin, a singsong voice, and some laughter at the end, before heading off to do whatever their position required them to do. This both confused and worried Optimus. On one hand, they could all have just conspired to do this just to freak him out. On the other hand, they could be using the laughter, smiles, and tone of voice to tell him "I know something youuuuu don't", thus telling him that they had conspired something. However, working with this particular group of nut cases had made Optimus careful when making his decision about their actions, and thus, he chose the most logical choice.

They were conspiring something big for his birthday, and that meant that he had to get as paranoid as Red Alert.

He walked towards his office, looking warily around him. Was it a giant cake? Mountains of presents? An actual party? A sigh of relief sounded from his as he reached the door to his office. As he put his hand on the handle, he tensed. What if the Twins did something, like put a bucket of water above the entry way, or some water balloons filled with paint, skin dye, or something else equally as horrible? Optimus shook his head; he'd have to chance it. Grasping the handle, he made ready to throw it open and back off, when a joyus cry of "Happy Birthday, Optimus!" rang through the air and a familiar weight landed heavily on his back.

"Oof! Bumblebee, that felt different from last year. Did you run faster, or did you get heavier?"

"Now that's just mean!" The weight slid off his back, allowing him to turn around and see a pouting Bumblebee, his lower lip sticking out a bit. Optimus chuckled at that. "I come here wishing you a happy birthday and you insinuate that I'm fat! I don't know if I should let you have your cake now..."

"Cake?" The tall bluenette raised an eyebrow, then shook his ehad and sighed. "Bumblebee, I've told you guys before, I don't want a big celebration--"

"But it's only a small cake, an' it's only Bluestreak in your office!" Bumblebee's eyes got big, and he clasped his hands in front of him as his lower lip quivered. "And he made it himself, and he'll be very sad if you don't eat it, especially since he made your favorite, double fudge chocolate with fudge-caramel frosting, and you don't really wanna see him cry because then Sunny and Sides'll be all over you, and Prowl's gonna--"

"Alright, alright." Laughing, Optimus held up a hand to stop Bumblebee. "I think you might be spending way too much time with Bluestreak, first of all. And second, if you promise that it's just you and Bluestreak, then I'll go in."

"Yay!" Bumblebee glomped him again, only quickly this time, and lead him into the office. "C'mon, you're gonna love his cake!..."

_**LINEbreakLINEbreakLINEbreakLINEbreakLINEbreak**_

In the medbay, two certain twins were giggling like maniacs, looking pointedly at Ratchet, who glared at them with murderous intent. This made them laugh even harder. Sunny was the first one to calm down enough to talk a bit to him. "Oh, don't worry, Ratchet," he said, giggling a bit. "This'll all be over soon enough, and then you can get back to beaning us with various objects."

"Haha, yeah, but really, you should calm down. This is all for the good of Optimus and his birthday, Ratch."

"We'd love to stay and chat, but we need to get out of here before Prime comes in." Taking out a walkie-talkie, Sunstreaker pushed the button. "Alright Jazz, go ad get 'em. Ratchet's ready an' waiting!" Releasing the button, Sunstreaker snickered and turned to Ratchet and Sideswipe. "You finished there, Siders?"

"Almost ready...done!" With that said, Sideswipe patted Ratchet on the head, then walked over to his twin. "Alright, let's get out of here! Bye, Ratchet!"

"Yeah, see ya later, Ratchet! Have fun!" And with that, they walked out of the medbay, snickering like maniacs.

Ratchet wateched the doorway, waiting. Sideswipe then rushed in, placed a ginormous card in front of Ratchet, thus effectively hiding him from view, then sped away, still giggling like a maniac. The CMO sighed, shaking hims head. Typical Twins, always forgetting something.

**_LINEbreakLINEbreakLINEbreakLINEbreakLINEbreak_**

Inside his office, Optimus was in heaven. Sure, having store-bought cake was good, but he was never one to miss out on anything that Bluestreak made. Currently, he, Bluestreak, and Bumblebee were each enjoying a piece of the cake, dreamy expressions on all three of their faces.

"Mmmmmm," Optimus moaned, pulling the fork out of his mouth. "You should've opened a restaurant, Blue. You could've made millions."

"Yeah, but I enjoy my current job more. Besides, if I didn't work here, then I never would've met Prowl, or the Twins, and I never would've experienced Ratchet's wrath, and I never would've met Bumblebee, or--" He was silenced when Bumblebee placed a kiss to his lips, smiling as he pulled away.

"Eat your cake, Blue," he said, leaning against him. The gray-haired young man blushed, but did as he was told. Optimus chuckled; those two were possibly the cutest couple in A.R.K.

"So Bumblebee, Blue, what do you--"

"Ah, just who I needed to see!" With a literal hop, skip, and a jump, Jazz entered the room and flung his arms around the couple's shoulders, smiling widely. "I need you two t'help me an' Prowl out with some hacking--counter-hacking, actually. Frenzy an' Rumble have been at it again." He turned to Optimus, still smiling. "Mind if I steal them, Prime?"

"Of course not. Go right ahead."

"Much obliged!" Jazz began steering them out of the office, but stopped and turned when he reached the door. "Oh, uh, almost f'got--Ratchet said he wants to see you in the medbay. Said it's 'imperative that I discuss these matter with Optimus immediately'."

" 'Imperative'? What would he need to...never mind. Thank you, Jazz. I'll get right on it."

"Gotcha. See ya later, Prime!" Business all done, Jazz led the two out of the room, explaining that the cassette Twins had hacked Prowl's chess game again, and the game was currently spewing taunts, insults, random pornographic images, and "Yo Mamma" jokes at him.

Sighing, Optimus finished the slice of cake and began walking towards the medbay, curious as to what it was that Ratchet needed to talk to him about.

_**LINEbreakLINEbreakLINEbreakLINEbreakLINEbreak**_

When he entered the medbay, Optimus didn't see Ratchet at first. He was a clean, pristine medbay, colored mostly with silver, light-blue, and white, with a large red envelope resting between the legs of a table. That wouldn't have seemed strange, except for the fact that the card was moving about. "What the..." He walked towards it, kneeling when he reached it, and opened it. The front of it said "Happy Birthday!!", and on the inside was written:

_"Well Prime, we know you don't like having a big celebration, so we got you this instead! Hope ya like it! From, all of us at A.R.K. _

_"P.S.: Look behind the envelope for your gift." _

"What the hell did they get me?" he asked himself, tossing the card to the side as he grabbed the envelope. As soon as the envelope was tossed aside, he immediately felt his pants begin to get tight. "Oh. That's what they got me..."

Kneeling in from of him with his legs apart was Ratchet, who was dressed like a nurse from a porn movie. His hands were obviously tied behind his back, while ribbons were loosely wrapped around his body, and his mouth was gagged. A glare of death was upon his face, and his long blond hair was put up in a messy but good looking bun/ponytail.

All in all, it was turning Optimus on.

"Ratchet...how did they do this to you?" he questioned as he removed the gag. The blond licked his lips, wetting his mouth before he answered.

"Wheeljack and Ironhide picked me up early, then held me down as the Twins dressed me up and then tied me up." Ratchet began struggling against the binds on his wrists again. "When I get out of here, I am going to murder them! This was not funny in the least, and I--" What was probably going to be an epic rant was cut off when Optimus' mouth descended on to his, effectively shutting him up. The CMO felt that he should protest, should probably move away and force Optimus to help him exact his revenge, but when he felt strong hands hold on to his hips and two fingers massage each patch of muscle above his hip bones, all his will left him and he melted, leaning in to Optimus' kiss. Their tongue's started touching, then battled for dominance, Ratchet's eventually losing.

Pulling back only slightly, Optimus' murmured "I think they meant you to be my birthday gift, Ratchet," before returning to kissing Ratchet as his hands began wandering about the shorter male's body.

"Oh, really? I guess I'll just mangle them, then," the blond replied between kisses, allowing himself to be lifted up on to a table and laid down, eventually being straddle by Optimus.

For the next two-and-a-half to three hours, neither of them left the medbay.

_**LINEbreakLINEbreakLINEbreakLINEbreakLINEbreak**_

"Well, there ya go, Prowl. Game's all fixed, and there's been a...small virus sent over to NEMESIS." Bumblebee giggled when Prowl raised a brow and crossed his arms.

"Exactly what did you send over to NEMESIS, Bumblebee?"

"Oh, nothing...much."

**_LINEbreakLINEbreakLINEbreakLINEbreakLINEbreak_**

"So, how dead do you think we are?"

"When Soundwave finds us, I don't think even a necromancer could put us back together, Rumble." Frenzy sighed, shifting a bit. "Man, you'd think they'd make janitor's closets bigger, what with all the shit they use."

"Yeah, well I don't think that they accounted for people hiding in them from their enraged guardians, Frenz." Letting out a sigh of his own, Rumble rested his head against the wall and listened to Frenzy begin to whistle softly, until his atttention was drawn to a sound from outside the closet. "Frenzy, shut it! Someone's outside!" The whistling immediately stopped as both of them listened to the footsteps coming ever closer. Said footsteps eventually stopped right in front of the closet. As the door opened, the two clung to each other, and terrified smiles came on to their faces to greet a seething Soundwave.

"So...exactly when were you two going to tell me that you two have been posing for pornographic pictures on twincest dot net for over three years, hmmmm?"

"Uh, well, y'see Soundwave--"

"Was it going to be a surprise when someone sent me some pictures? Were you just going to let me find it while I was browsing the internet? Or were you actually going to tell me at some point?" His voice was dangerously calm, making his twin wards wish that they had made out their wills.

"I-if it helps any, we're not incestral--"

"--we just did it for the money!" Soundwave's glare increase in intensity; the Twins wished they were in the center of the Earth just then.

"Wrong answer, you two."

Twin screams of terror could be heard throughout NEMESIS, making everyone, including Megatron, shudder with terror, especially those, including Megatron again, that had gotten nosebleeds when the slide show of pictures popped up on their computers and were seen by Soundwave, for they knew that they were next to release screams of terror.

_**ENDendENDendENDendENDendENDendENDendFINITO**_

#laughs# I love them, but I had to do that to Frenzy and Rumble. It was humorous...for me...and other sick, twisted people like me...and I needed to abuse Megafragger a bit too. Sure, Ratchet was abused, but picturing him in a nurse outfit...mmmmmm, sexy...that just made me forget all about abusing him.

**to lazy to sin in:** Thanks! Yeah, even Ratchet needs to get scared. I hate it when somebody makes a character invulnerable. Thank you very much about the ending. Yeah, I'm surprised that nobody else likes them!...wait, never mind. Those that like G1 a lot might not like it. That's why we thank the Michael Bay movie for making it possible!

**Eerie Iri:** Thank you! My teeth just about all rotted out because of the cuteness...

As with any of my fics, should one of you readers like to draw art for them, please let me know. I would very much like to see it. Thanks.

As always, review, please and thank you! And don't forget to check out my Megafragger/Bumblebee fic, **Of Bucket Heads and Bugs**!!


End file.
